In Rwanda just like in most parts of the world, traditionally, family planning initiatives were concentrated on women despite it being a family matter.

But as family dynamics evolve over the years, men involvement in family planning is becoming crucial.

Yet, there is still distressingly little conversation about men and boys’ involvement in family planning debate.

And without intentional work on masculinity and equitable gender norms, men usually just get in the way of women using effective contraceptives.

This is partly true. Research shows society tends to pressure girls to get pregnant early. And often, some men force women to get pregnant including practicing sexual and gender-based violence and contraceptive coercion.

Research shows there is a widespread female preference for “hidden” family planning methods like injectables or implants in order to avoid the above-mentioned realities. Sexual violence by men can result in women getting pregnant more often than they want to, or at times they do not want to. This puts them at risk for poor pregnancy and birth outcomes (including death), as well as higher rates of abortion. These outcomes are even more likely if the woman in question is still an adolescent.

But if we are going to address these issues fully, it is essential to work with boys and men to engage in conversations around masculinity, sexual violence, women’s health, and planning for pregnancies. Men are affected by the poor health of their partners, and it is time that we raise our expectations of men and help reach them.

This work is not always easy. Men and boys need to learn to change their behaviours and their norms around power and gender roles.

However, research suggests that boys and men need access to effective family planning, and that boys and men who are involved in conversations with their female partners in planning their families and utilising family planning methods are more likely to use condoms, engage in safer sex, have fewer partners, and support their partner’s family planning. They are also less likely to use violence against their partners. Women and girls need to be able to live the lives that they deserve, and protecting them physically and emotionally is essential.

But the same applies to boys and men. And perhaps more often than we have been willing to admit or explore, helping boys to live the lives that they want and deserve may also help them learn to support their wives, girlfriends, sisters, daughters, friends, and others in that pursuit. We must continue to strategize and study how to help men learn to communicate, compromise, listen, and work with the partners they love or have families with in order for them both to increasingly live the lives they eserve. The first step in doing so is beginning to include them in the conversation and have higher expectations.

Local leaders need to be the first examples; more training needs to be offered to healthcare providers taking into consideration cultural and religious values. Perhaps, more importantly, a decision about family planning should be made jointly by the spouses instead of being the prerogative of either.